Sunday, March 6, 2016: 24C, 18 mph winds and overcast
Plane travel is never fun but somehow, I always wind up with the jackasses around me. This time, I get the perfect storm of fully-reclined guy in front of me and seat-kicker behind me—at least I'm not flanked by a pair of 400 pound guys.
I’m very glad that Jim’s here and has experience with shuttles to resorts. As soon as we retrieve our luggage, a porter comes and asks if we’re with Air Canada, which we are. He offers to provide us with info and I would have unknowingly agreed. Fortunately, Jim walks right by him and finds our shuttle waiting in the parking lot. If those guys had intercepted us, we may have missed the shuttle.
Arriving at the resort, we find that we’re supposed to go to an orientation meeting the next morning at
8:45 am; we're also supposed to retrieve our return shuttle passes at that time. After we get our keys (only one per room for some reason), the concierge intercepts us and scam us into a VIP info session for tomorrow morning. We tell him that we have a meeting with Air Canada but he insists that his meeting will be over and we’ll get there in time. We begrudgingly agree knowing that we just signed onto a sales pitch. Jim grumbles and I'm with him on this one.
Fresh off a six-hour flight and registration red tape, we’re a ravenous crowd. The only midday food we could find comes from the 24-hour bar, serving bland chilli, hot dogs and cardboard pizza. The pepperoni slices look fluorescent, and the mushroom pizza has few mushrooms. For condiments, they offer pesto and raw garlic in olive oil. Sadly for Andrea, I discover that tablespoons of raw garlic make everything taste better, even cardboard pizza.
I love tropical drinks; I can drink banana daiquiris until the cows come home. Unfortunately, the cows come home a lot earlier than you think. Sipping on the first one on a hot, humid day, you think you wallow in paradise. After the second, you laze comfortably in a tropical haze. After three, things get a little sweet. I switch to raspberry daiquiris because they taste a little less sweet and tarter. After five daiquiris, it doesn't matter what the flavour is anymore—I just feel bloated. I look at the clock and only an hour has elapsed! Time to compact things and I discover—to my delight—that cognac pours here come quite generous, starting at Gruener-size. For those unaware, Gruener-size means four ounces.
This evening, we attend the welcome show and dinner and we're suspicious of their motives; that is, will they try to sell us timeshares? Dinner starts with some good charcuterie and cheeses, especially the brie. Next comes an exceptionally delicious Tabbouleh salad with excellent flavours in the grains. So far, so good until the mains come, which offer a choice between New York steaks or salmon. The salmon has some nice charring but they're way overdone. Looking around, everyone's steaks are also heinously overdone, thoroughly nuclear waste-like. One guest's steak has rind all the way around. The peas have a fluorescent green colour, evident of what you get out of frozen packaging, and the mashed potatoes look like what you get from hospital food. The side of lentils is nice but not nearly enough to compensate for the rest of the disaster on this plate.
Monday, March 7: 25C, 24 km/h wind and scattered shower, occasional t-storm.
This day didn’t start off well. To illustrate, have a look at the next couple of pictures:
Now here’s a pic of the shower in action:
If you can make it out, you can see the hand-held head sprays while the mounted head shoots nothing. Now imagine that the knob is stuck in the “on” position, so of course, the water activates as soon as you turn on the tap.
You know where this is going, right?
I’m standing naked in front of the shower controls thinking I’d start the water and step back while it warms up. Instead, I get a jet of freezing water right to the groin while unsuspectingly turning the knob. I don’t think I’ve ever woken up faster.
Things turn up soon after a few cocktails; it’s amazing how that happens. First feeding starts with a half dozen eggs and a couple of pounds of smoked salmon.
We attend the Air Canada seminar outlining the various excursions available to us. At first, we had prepared to go to the VIP meeting—the sales pitch about why we should return to this resort in future and be VIPs. The concierge told us that the pitch lasts less than an hour and we'll have plenty of time to attend the Air Canada meeting afterwards. Because we're supposed to receive our return transfers there, we probably shouldn't miss the Air Canada meeting. Now however, they tell us that the VIP meeting will last 90 minutes and it would have run into the Air Canada meeting—no worries, we can just get our return passes afterwards.
Uh, no. We're not going to miss our return tickets to sit in on a sales pitch. Moreover, I really don’t like being lied to—especially by the concierge that’s supposed to be looking after us. Air Canada outlines a number of excursions, all of which sound fascinating. We have a difficult time choosing but we quickly pick out what we want to do over the following week.
Before you know it, it’s time for lunch. A number of meat items taste delicious but the highlight comes from the poached salmon and avocado. While a lady at the next table departs for a refill, one of the local wildlife, the ubiquitous coati, boldly climbs onto her plate looking for goodies.
It helps itself to a few nibbles before someone shoos him away. I keep vigilant for the returning diner. After she gets back, I don’t make it to her table in time before she munches on the food. I quickly tell her that she's sharing food with the wildlife, which was just on her plate—she gives a memorable “yyyyeeeuuucchhhh” recoil of horror.
After lunch, we dip into the ocean despite the high winds and ominous clouds. Because the beach is basically abandoned, I’m fortunately enough to catch a glimpse of the ever elusive Mexican sea monster:
As the wind and the waves pick up, we retreat to the pool for some shelter.
As an aside, I’ve been bitten by no less than a dozen mosquitoes since we landed. Welcome to the wonderful world of the zika virus! As it turns out, this is only the beginning. The resort looks pristine and beautiful but the mangrove hedges make up a large part of the lush landscape. The mangrove is native to marshes and the local growing condition is basically a swamp, complete with stagnant and sewer-smelling water—and of course, the requisite mosquito. In all my visits to the Caribbean, I've barely witnessed a mosquito but the bloodsuckers thrive here—be sure to bring repellent if you plan on staying at a resort.
Dinner tonight finds us at the seafood restaurant where all the meals taste fabulous.
The evening ends with drinks by the poolside. I’m quite happy with my 5-ounce cognacs (yes, the cognac sizes grow!) while the rest of the crew discover “princess” shooters (essentially a Neapolitan-like drink) and mudslide cocktails. Andrea proudly declares that she can keep up with the best of them! Well, present company aside, if you’re talking about out-drinking and out-lasting Donna and Jim, you’re not exactly talking about “the best of them!”
Tuesday, March 8: 25C, 21 mph winds, intermittent showers
After a quick breakfast, we find a cab and book it to 5th Avenue, the hub of Playa del Carmen. We could not walk by a shop without someone assaulting us with lures and come-ons. We encounter several staff members who remember us from our resort. They call us over and chat for a bit; inevitably, we get invited to look in their shops. Eventually, we suspect that they identify us from our resort bracelets. Then I realise that they don't even know us from the resort—they see our bracelets and use the stock come-on, "Hey! I’m Sanchez! The bartender from the resort!" Now if you ask them, "which resort?" you find them at a loss. The shop proprietors play the "we all look alike to them" card and it sadly works. I start to ignore people and someone implores me to “stop being so Mexican—be nice!” We work our way down 32 blocks to finally reach the ferry station.
The high winds ensure that the ferry crossing emulates a roller coaster ride, which is fine and dandy for me. We arrive at Cozumel and decide to rent a jeep to get around. According to the photos, the jeeps look sparkling new, just off the showroom floor. In actuality, here’s what we get:
Here’s a list of what we can see as deficits with the car:
Missing windshield wiper
Low tires
Turn signals don’t work
Pulsing brakes
Speedometer stuck at 60 km/h
No knobs on any panel controls
Sticky fuel gauge
All speakers removed except front left
Covers torn
Seat adjusters missing
Stick shift knob upside-down
Let’s just say that it’s a bit of a wreck. We have three goals on our trip to Cozumel: viewing crocodiles, visiting the turtle-nesting beach, and perhaps catching sight of some properties for sale. We leave the city and sadly for us, our timing is quite poor. We embark on the coastal drive of the island but by the time we arrive at the turtle nesting beach, they inform us that they close in five minutes.
From here, things take a real downturn. We’ve been getting rain on-and-off all morning and afternoon but now the sky opens up. Unfortunately, we round the southern tip of the island and now get the full onslaught of the wind and rain from the side. The power of the pelting rain drops actually hurt enough where I had to take preventative action.
By the time we get back to the city, some of us are considerably wet. Since the wind blasted us from the passenger-side of the car, the driver-side passengers remain relatively dry—that is, until an oncoming vehicle blasts through a puddle and splashes Jim and Andrea. The tropical storm ensures that we fail on our second mission and abort the third.
We’re quite happy to ditch the jeep and get back to hoofing it. We board the ferry for an equally rolling ride back to the mainland. This time, Andrea, Jim and Donna all have an unfortunate encounter with seasickness. That’s not enough to stop us from enjoying a delicious meal back in Carmen. Here’s my fettuccini with a half-lobster, crab, mussels and shrimps:
Back on the resort and everyone’s beat—well, almost everyone. While the others recoup by rest, I find other means of recovery…yup, those bartenders sure don't skimp on the cognac!
Wednesday, March 9: 27C, 28 km/h winds, cloudy with occasional showers This full-day excursion comes packed with activity.
After a delicious, traditional Mayan lunch, we travel to Coba for a tour of the ancient Mayan ruins.
Jim and Donna are in mid-ascension as I am well into my descent. I ponder returning to the apex with them but the onset of rain tells me to get the heck off before we're really screwed. No one washes the ruins so wet rock = slippery rock and I have enough trouble coming down without sliding on my ass.
As for the trip down, witness the various techiques in the following photo. Jim boldly descales the mount like he's going down everyday stairs. Donna uses the siddling technique. As for me, I'm not nearly so brave as I reverse-climb the entire pyramid using the rope as an anchor—safety before everything else.
Thursday, March 10: 27C, 24 km/h winds, cloudy with occasional showers
Today's excursion included a series of ziplines, aerial bridges, an ATV course, a dip in a cenote, and another authentic, local lunch. Today is a great time—don't get me wrong here—but because some of the activities are repeats of what we did over the past couple of days, the adventure isn't as unique as some of our other events. The zipling is, as it always is, a lot of fun but this outfit puts a lot more emphasis on safety, which means no free swinging arms, as we did at the past excursion.
The aerial bridges is also a fun trek, but after a number of gravity defying ziplines and much time among the treetops, any sense of acrophobia is gone. This is a fun adventure, but it's not a thrilling adventure.
Next come the ATVs. I'm not sure what we expected but we certainly weren't prepared to eat mouthsful full of dirt! The guide leads the way and we're the third car. We find out later that the second car intentionally ploughed through deep puddle with intention to get splashed. I try to avoid the puddles as much as possible but you just can't elude the inevitable. Look at the our anticipatory faces!
Let's just say that the ensuing rinse in the cenote is a welcome relief!
The day ends with dinner at the resort's Mexican restaurant. Although the food tastes excellent, you know the fun only begins when the sombreros come out!
The ubiquitous ceviche Beef tenderloin with chipotle sauce
Chicken fajita Shrimp skewers
Josinto Ray & Cortez B. Whacker Lucia R. Snappa & Andrea Guadalupe Friday, March 11: 27C, 29 km/h winds, mostly cloudy with an occasional sprinkle
Our half-day excursion doesn't start until noon so we have a rare sleep-in day. After a quick breakfast, we set off to Rio Secreto, or the Secret River. The human world has never seen this cave until 2006 when an explorer stumbled into it. Seeing the majesty of the cave, he immediately set forth to excavate it and make it accessible for the topside population. He carved staircases and laid limestone walking platforms.
Speleogists and naturalists caught wind of what he was doing and put an immediate stop to the anthropomorphism of this natural wonder. Today, we tour this cave as nature carved it, with the exception of the exit, which looks as human-made as anything you find at carnivals.
Our journey starts with another Mayan ritual to get permission to enter the cave. After the ritual, we descend into a cenote for the orientation, where the guide instructs us to touch nothing. Oils from our skins can severely affect the evolution of this living cave.
The adventure includes some hiking, some wading and some swimming. The tour company offers skin suits but when we found out that the water temperature is 76F and the air temperature 82F, we gladly turn down the suits—and thank goodness since we sweat buckets down there. At one point, we float in a pool in complete darkness. Andrea already has a hold of my hand, which means someone else is grabbing at my feet! I still place my bets on it being Jim!
They cave's total length covers 18 km but our exploration only covers about 1 km, or 8% of the total area. The remainder needs to be accessed by scuba or remains under scientific study. They speculate that there may be a connection to other local caves, which could make this the second-longest cave system in the world. The pictures tell the whole story; I don't need to elaborte much more.
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