2017 Bermuda
August-September, 2017 – New York City / Cruise to Bermuda
2017-08-29 – Land in New York
Leaving the airport, Andrea spies a sign that says “do not accept rides from people who offer rides inside the airport” en route to the taxi depot. Straight out of the Fonzarelli clan, a slick-looking person with greased hair and leather jacket standing right in front of the sign asks if we need a ride and I answer "yes," not seeing the sign. Andrea grapples with concern but I get excited seeing that our ride is a BMW SUV. It turns out our company is a limo rental service so all works out. The $65 cost to take us from LaGuardia to the Upper East Side probably costs more than a taxi but we ride in style and the trip renews my desire to purchase a BMW.
We arrive and meet the owner to our VRBO, who’s extremely friendly and has lots of advice/suggestions for us, some of which prove invaluable. The place looks fantastic and our only challenge lies with fitting the luggage down the spiral staircase. Right now, the problem lies with the suitcases; eventually the problem will shift to us (me) come cognac and gin time.
Venturing out on foot, we find the East River only one block away from our apartment. As you can see in the background, the water here looks very blue, despite the river bisecting over 20 million area residents. How is it that we end up with shit-brown rivers at home?
After exploring the local neighbourhood, we set into an Italian restaurant, hoping for some famous New York pizza.
Immediately we see the menu disclaimer, Italian Restaurant! NO PIZZA. No pizza? What kind of Italian restaurant serves no pizza? It turns out that a fair number of Italian eateries distance themselves from pizza—I guess they see enough of us tourist clowns immediately assuming that if you're Italian, you serve pizza. My meal tonight is clams in white wine sauce, which tastes absolutely divine. New York pizza can wait for another day.
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2017-08-30 – Central Park – Metropolitan Museum of Art
Being eight blocks away from Central Park, we have a short half-hour walk ahead of us. Along the way, I am blown away by how well this city is set up. All of the streets have residential housing and all of the avenues have endless shops, stores and restaurants. This city demonstrates a living example of how cities set up before the great car revolution and the emergence of the megamall. Most North American cities witnessed the Walmarts destroy the mom-pop places, and subsequently the big chains wipe out the corner diners. Manhattan seems to have eluded the corporate takeover, leaving streets covered with great little local shops and eateries.
Pop into any restaurant and you're guaranteed to enjoy fabulous food. Keep searching—you're hard pressed to find a Perkins, Smitty or any other kind of shitty chain around here. Our random stop for lunch takes us into a diner, where I veg-up on tuna salad, on salad.
We walk to Central Park and after a fair amount of hoofing, we decide on some bio-powered transportation. The pedicabs (essentially rikshaws) cost anywhere from $3/minute to $5/minute, per rider. Yeah, that’s a little steep. I never want to cheap out on vacation but $5/minute/person?! For a half-hour tour for two of us, that would run $300! I can think of so much more I would rather do with $300 than get pulled around `by a cyclist for 30 minutes. The horse-pulled buggy demands $55/20 minutes, which is a lot more reasonable. However, the pickup spot lies quite a bit south, which is opposite the way we're travelling.
The amazement of Central Park comes from having such a massive oasis sitting cradled within the quintessential concrete jungle. As a green space though, there's nothing outstanding about Central Park. The ponds look nice; the grass is green; and who doesn't love a tree—but as a park, there is nothing special about it. I can't say it's any better than Assiniboine Park—well, except that the land here carries a value of $1 million/square feet and Winnipeg land is next to worthless. Therein lies the wonder, where City of New York is willing to part with billions of taxation dollars in lieu of a people playground; our politicians would have cement trucks queued up, ready to "pave paradise, put up a parking lot," and the Winnipeg Parking Authority would be right behind, sticking it to you because that's how we do business.
We turn north and head to the Met (the Metropolitan Museum of Art); our apartment owner recommends going to the roof for a view of Central Park and a glass of wine. The place looks spectacular and the view does not disappoint, but alas there’s nowhere to sit among the sculptures of tables and chairs. Long tables and chairs cover the roof but all are permanently fixed and not for use as lounging furniture. Essentially, there's nowhere to sit among the dozens of tables and hundreds of chair. The view provides a spectacular panoramic background of the park, as well as the skyline but in the end, it's too hot and sunny to relax. We put on a lot of mileage on foot today and it's time we retreat to our apartment for some refreshments.
For the evening, Ava and I set off to Sushi Nakazawa, featuring Executive Chef Daisuke Nakazawa, former apprentice of Jiro Ono, often considered to be the greatest sushi chef in the world. Andrea, Darcy and Mason originally planned to dine on hot dogs but they end up at another Italian restaurant.
As usual, Ava and I run late. Ava-time is fine on vacation but not when we have reservations at a world-class restaurant! We race towards the station and board the subway, getting off as close as we can to the restaurant without having to navigate through a series of transfers. We exit the subway station approximately a mile from the restaurant and hoof it at a vigorous jog. Following the GPS, we zigzag through strange streets, putting all of our faith into Ava’s phone. The map tells us we’ve arrived, then we’re moving away from the target. What the heck? It turns out we ran right by it because of the completely unassuming frontage. Witness the entrance from this Google Maps street view:
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We arrive ten minutes late, sweating like heck but extra hungry for it. To make things worse, I sweat in pants, sleeves, shoes and (eek) the ever-dreaded socks. I hate socks. On vacation (and most days of my life), I have two criteria: no foot coverings, no pants. While generally like everything about Norwegian Cruise Lines but their biggest asset comes with the freedom not to have to wear pants or closed-toed shoes in the dining rooms (we call it the “No Pants Cruise Line”).
Normally, if I’m on vacation and I see a restaurant that calls for either pants or shoes, I pass. However, facing the possibility of sampling some of the greatest sushi in the world, I make the sacrifices. Shoes? Bad. Socks? Yuck. Socks are jails for feet. Pants? Ugh. Long sleeves?! Fu__!
Looking around in the restaurant, you can the usual sprinkling of diners—a few in suits and some in jackets. Most look like me, wearing a long sleeve shirt because they must. I also notice that most of them have the sleeves rolled up—guess how long it takes before my sleeves roll up? So the question then is “why?”
Why subject your guests to rituals? I know it’s a classy place and they don’t want the hoi polloi in there; I think the three-digit menu prices takes care of that problem. What’s left? Tradition I guess? The tradition of making people wear extra clothes in formal atmospheres?
To me, tradition is garbage. Tradition is another way of saying “I don’t want to change.” I know change can be difficult and sometimes there’s change for the sake of change. However, change to improve is always a welcome move for me. Tradition says that we should wear tuxedos and gowns at formal events; how is that better than shorts and sandals? I guess the bow tie can constrict my throat so that I can only eat so fast. And the cummerbund can catch the food that slips out of my mouth. I can hide food under my top hat at a buffet? Wouldn’t I enjoy my food better if I’m not uncomfortable and miserable? It’s about the food and the people, not about what they wear. The people give success to the restaurant, not the clothes.
Booking from their website, you can choose to sit in the restaurant or at the bar. When they referred to “bar,” I thought of it as a lounge area, similar to our establishments at home. My mistake—their bar refers to the sushi bar where you watch the chefs create their art. Damn, should have booked the bar.
Hot and thirsty means open the bar menu quick. The wine list features nothing below $60, culminating with the great Domaine de la Romanée-Conti—an absolute bargain at $2900. No, really, this price is a genuine steal for the undisputed greatest wine on the face of the earth.
Should we order it? The last time we visited Vegas, there was a bottle of vintage 1900 Chateau Margaux for the garage sale price of $20 000. We passed on it and got home to find out that a bottle of 1900 Margaux just sold at auction for $80 000. We could have made a cool $60 000! Wouldn’t it be ironic to go to Vegas, not drop a penny on gambling, and come home with a $60 000 windfall?! Then again, we would have drank it so there was no profit to be had. Back to business…
Should we order it?
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The fixed menu (omakase) provides you with two or three pieces of sushi on each plate, with ten courses (plates) in total, and an option to add any of the previous pieces. Today’s special includes the addition of wagyu beef (raw of course). Here in totality is what we have the privilege to taste:
1st plate: Chum Salmon
Hay-Smoked Sockeye Salmon
Soy Marinated King Salmon
2nd plate: Scallop
Big Fin Reef Squid
3rd plate: Pacific Barrelfish
Golden Eye Snapper
4th plate: Spanish Mackerel
Gizzard Shad
Mature Yellowtail
5th plate: Spot Prawn
Dungeness Crab
6th plate: Skipjack
7th plate: Lean Tuna
Soy-Marinated Lean Tuna
Fatty Tuna
8th plate: Japanese Sea Urchin
California Sea Urchin
Bonus plate: Wagyu Beef
9th plate: Toro Hand Roll
10th plate: Conger Eel
Egg Custard
11th plate: Repeat Scallop
Repeat Fatty Tuna
While most of the ingredients should look familiar to sushi regulars, the simple additions propel these divine delicacies to atmospheric heights. Take for example, the soy marinated king salmon: with almost every piece of sushi that I consume, I dip it in soy; however, the just-right marinade of soy gives the perfect salty accent and a hint of exotic flavours take it to a ridiculous level. Another note: this is the first time I’ve ever tried raw squid and raw shrimp. Every sushi restaurant to date has served me cooked shrimp and squid but the raw product opens new doors of experiences. I’m not normally a squid fan but this squid is the best squid I’ve ever eaten. Simply put: tonight features some of the best foods I’ve eaten in my entire, culinary, life of degustation.
2017-08-31 – Hi Line – USS Intrepid – Broadway Shows – Times Square
The day starts at the southern end of the Hi Line, a relatively new development for New York. Called “the park that almost wasn’t,” this is a converted, abandoned railway line, that’s now a park with various exhibits along the way. This exciting conversion now draws tourists by droves, where it once was an abandoned eyesore.
I can’t help but believe that Winnipeg could have done the same thing with the former Disraeli Freeway. Yes, the active transportation bridge is great but it could have been so much more if we converted the entire span in the same manner. Imagine a park with benches, trees, shrubs, exhibits and an active transportation path running from Henderson Highway and Waterfront right to the riverbank at Talbot. I'm happy that we got a pedestrian bridge out of it but it could have been a fundamental city highlight and tourist draw. Sadly, we don't have that sort of inventiveness or foresight—or money. While successful cities invest in themselves, we have naysayers who want to build nothing. That’s essentially why other cities progress while we mire in shit, gouging parking ticket revenue from our citizens.
The northern terminus of the Hi Line takes us very close to our next destination: the USS Intrepid Air and Space Museum. The sheer size of the Intrepid should be a spectacle but that’s somewhat shadowed knowing our cruise ship rivals it in most respects.
Still, we see some of the fascinating inner workings of an aircraft carrier. The museum includes a visit to the Growler, a former nuclear submarine that acted as a deterrent during the Cold War. Finally, the Gforce ride puts you in the pilot set of a jet fighter and our numerous crashes dictate that Andrea will never be a fighter pilot. I wonder how Darcy and Mason make out?
From here, the Grueners return to our apartment. Andrea heads to "Book of Mormon" and I'm off to "Phantom of the Opera." I've seen plays and I've seen great plays, but nothing compares to the experience you get on Broadway. Of course, there's the obvious: best actors, best props and big budget. What people don't consider is the huge advantage of having a permanent venue. So much of the effect comes from the mechanisms built into the stage and walls. The visual effect from all the hidden machinery gives a performance that you can never experience from a roving troupe. In addition, the hundreds of speakers mounted throughout the hall ensure enveloping sound throughout the show. I don't exaggerate; there are literally hundreds of speakers dotted through the roof and walls in this theatre. I can just imagine that kind of sound I would produce at home with this setup!
The performance exceeds every expectation I could ever conceive, ensuring that each of my future visits to New York will encompass multiple visits to the Broadway venues. The only disappointment I see (hear) comes with the actual star of the show, the character of Christine Daaé. Don’t get me wrong—the actor delivered a convincing performance, but I’m familiar and accustomed to the musical performed by Sarah Brightman. Andrew Lloyd Webber wrote this piece especially dedicated to Brightman, catered to her spectacular talents. No one else will ever be able to bring the character of Daaé to life like Brightman. Throw in the legendary Michael Crawford and you have a cast that is nonpareil. Despite that, this is the greatest show I’ve seen since Moulin Rouge in Paris.
After the theatre, not by my design, I find myself in the heart of Times Square, smack among thousands of people and millions of watts of neon.
This is what nightlife should be. Sadly, any little step we try to take at home comes with hordes of doom mongers professing the end of the world. For 40 years, we've debated the merits of blowing the barricades surrounding Portage and Main. We use it constantly as the hub of all our gatherings, including festivals and every time the Jets win a game. Yet, when we talk about making it permanently accessible, people cry that pedestrians will get run over every day and traffic will back up for miles.
At any given minute of the day, Times Square has a thousand times more people and traffic than Portage and Main sees in a week. People do not die every day; traffic moves just fine; and the entire area bursts with life. Alas, Winnipeg will never be like this because we fear any and all change. The only thing we'll ever been good at is issuing frivolous parking tickets.
After a long, activity-filled day, it’s time to wrap it up for the evening. It’s only day two but we're already quite adept at using the subway. For future reference, just buy the unlimited use for a week, which includes transit fares.
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2017-09-01 – Hop-on-Hop-off Bus Downtown – World Trade Centre One – Water Taxi – Hop-on-Hop-off Night Tour
Armed with a hop-on-hop-off, double-decker bus tour ticket, we set off to explore the city. Iconic institutions pop up along the tour, including the Flatiron Building, the Empire State Building, Penn Station/Madison Square Gardens, and finally, World Trade Centre One, where we debark.
The grand Ground Zero monument, with its power and presence, evokes great thought to the lives we lead and the world around us.
For anyone thinking of visiting World Trade Centre One, look for representatives roaming the area. They wear official uniforms with badges and handheld computers. Purchasing lift tickets from them gives you a $10/person discount, plus a fast pass through the long wait at the front entrance. You proceed straight through to security screening and up the elevator you go.
As expected, the incomparable views allow you to see for miles into the horizon.
Moving on, we stroll to The Battery. The Battery’s strategic location at the prow of Manhattan puts it at the confluence of the East and Hudson Rivers. Named after the first “battery” of cannons established here as a defensive fortification, this area was the immigrant reception centre, prior to the Federal Government moving it to Ellis Island.
Today, The Battery is one of New York’s oldest public parks. Located at the southern tip of Manhattan overlooking the harbour, The Battery acts as the reception area of Lower Manhattan and the hub of sea-going activity. From this harbour, we climb onto a Water Taxi for a tour of the incredible New York harbour.
From The Battery, the Water Taxi makes several stops, reaching the terminal at Pier 79 where the Grueners disembark and return to the room. Andrea and I stay aboard the Water Taxi and return to The Battery. From here, we jump on the night tour of the hop-on-hop-off bus. This return tour shows us the familiar highlights under the splendour of the night sky agleam with the lights of the city. You don’t appreciate how many lumens work to so completely engulf the inky night with the blaze of neon.
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2017-09-02 – American Museum of Natural History
Lazy day: we linger around the apartment for a while before heading out to Times Square where Andrea looks for unsold Broadway shows. The winner ends up being School of Rock, featuring “Stick it to the Man!” The Grueners are off to the baseball game where the Yankees down the Red Sox.
As for me, I hop on the local bus to the American Museum of Natural History, a site I’ve wanted to see since early childhood. This massive complex spreads over five floors, each occupying a full city block’s acreage. Orienting which way to go and where to start is quite a challenge. I soon find out that because I purchased my ticket from a kiosk, rather than line up to see a person, I didn’t get a map. Finally with map in hand, I’m ready to explore!
Tops for me include the dinosaur display and the ocean life display, both of which display lifesized replicas of the largest animals to inhabit the earth. You cannot grasp the enormity of the blue whale unless you stand face-to-face with this gentle monster. The exhibit features many marine creatures replicas, including the whale shark (largest fish on earth), the giant jellyfish, and the colossal squid but they all look downright puny compared to the blue whale.
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As much as I love the creatures of the ocean (when I was young, I wanted to grow up to be an ichthyologist), my first museum love was always the dinosaurs—and the display here does not disappoint.
Plenty of skeletons adorn the dinosaur display, including fan favourites tyrannosaurs. Discovered in 2016, the new largest dinosaur known to exist—the titanosaur—measures 120 long. In fact, the skeleton exceeds the length of the exhibit room constructed for it so the head sticks out into the lobby.
The museum is so massive, I think I only manage to roam through half of it. Regrets? Missing out on the Big Bang show and the planetarium demonstration. Honestly, I spent a good amount of time at the Hall of Ocean Life and all the Halls of Dinosaurs and Primitive Mammals. I briefly studied the Halls of Biodiversity, North American Forests, Meteorites, Gems, Minerals, Universe, and Planet Earth. I briefly browsed through present day Mammals, Birds, Reptiles and Amphibians. I complete skipped the Archaeological Halls (comprised of the Halls of the Northwest, Mexico, Central America, Africa, Asia, Indigenous Peoples, Pacific People, South America and the Hall of Human Origins). For future reference, try to arrive when the place opens.
After museum closure, I find rain so I first try the subway. Sadly, the weekend sees repairs to both southbound lines, and only one northbound line operating. This would take me far north to Harlem, to transfer back south to Times Square, to finally transfer back to our local, the Q, to our apartment. I’d travel about 20 miles to net 2 miles. Instead, I find the double-decker waiting so I try the hop-on-hop-off bus to get me closer to home. Alas, there’s only room on the open air roof, which doesn’t help in the rain, but the driver offers a poncho. In hindsight, I should have just taken the poncho and walked, despite my sore feet.
Instead, I stay on the bus, seating on top deck, hearing the rain glance off my poncho and feeling the cool air. The cool air feels frosty once the bus starts moving. The tour takes me through Harlem anyway so it looks like I’m destined to visit. They describe a number of institutions, including the Apollo Theatre, the Red Rooster Restaurant, operated by Chef Marcus Samuelsson, and a brief history of Dr. Martin Luther King Jr., Malcolm X and Duke Ellington.
All in all, it’s an enjoyable tour despite the rain and cold. In addition to the visit, the ride shortens my walk and now I have a poncho to shield against the rain. I’ll call it a win-win-win.
Cognac awaits me as I return to the apartment. After the healing effect of a few beverages, we’re off for our final dinner in New York. A few blocks away, the Budapest Café offers delicious genuine Hungarian food. We quickly make friends, especially Mason, who becomes best buds with the owner.
2017-09-03 – Leave New York, board Breakaway
Tense moments as our Uber driver came and declared there’s not enough room for all of us. I convince him to let us squish in after declaring a child with our party.
At reception, we make sure no one checks “yes” to the health questionnaire to prevent us from boarding. Having checked in and received our key cards, we head towards the boarding station. This is always one of the worst times of a cruise. You seem to wait for hours to board and meanwhile, you see the ship right there. The anticipation and excitement build in your body but the boarding calls seem so slow and far in-between. It makes it worse when you see folks who have already boarded leaning against the rails with the daiquiris and you're stuck in the waiting area like a sukka.
If you're anything like us, you don’t load up on food on boarding days. You know what awaits you at the buffet and spending money on bacon and eggs beforehand isn't worth it. So now here you, stomach growling and you're wasting your life, sitting on your butts and staring at the privileged few, cheering and laughing with drinks in their hands.
Finally, the call comes and you can't wait to rush towards the gangway, only to find that 500 people also have the same boarding call. In line again, but this is the last time. You finally get on the ship and the cruise staff greets you with song and dance. For the next week, the most challenging question we'll face is, "what do you want to do now?" Ok, maybe it’s a bit more complicated than that. You need to solve life-changing questions like, “Cocktail first? Buffet first? Explore the ship?”
All three! Visit the nearest bar, grab a beverage and let's go! We wonder around a bit but it's mostly a quiet first day. Having cruised aboard the NCL Getaway already, the sister ship Breakaway is very familiar to us (me and Andrea anyway). When the ship finally pushes off, the cruise treats us to some of our finest views yet of the skyline and Lady Liberty.
2017-09-04 – Sea Day: 24.5C morning air temp, mostly sunny, 11.4 knots towards Bermuda
The day starts with lunch in main dining rooms. Mason finds ecstasy with the burger and fries in the buffet but the rest of us appreciate the nuances of a sit down, full service restaurant. Lunch might seem a bit heavy but hey, it's vacation and all rules go out the porthole! I try to eat well on a normal basis so if for a few weeks a year, you go a bit crazy, what the heck. When else are you going to get prime rib served to you before noon, with options for seconds, thirds, fourths, fifths…
My first trivia on board comes with theme Landmarks, right up my alley! I easily pick off the usual landmarks, including the Taj Mahal, Great Wall, Space Needle, Sydney Opera House, etc. The next set goes quite easily as well, with examples such as the Oriental Pearl, the Atomium, Petra and Christ the Redeemer. The last group offers some resistance, including this shack:
In my mind, what's this shack doing with some of the most famous landmarks in the world. Then I hear a whisper in the audience that this is an easy one.
Huh?!
A shack?! Well, I have no clue. After smoking 18 out of 20 correct, a shack is my undoing and the winner emerges with 19/20. The shack? Turns out it's the Alamo—no wonder the 'muricans all know it. Damn it. The other one that stumped me was the Spanish Steps. It figures that it’s some sort of churchy thing that always gets me.
Next comes Progressive Trivia, a continuous, cumulative trivia game spanning several days, comprised of challenging questions. I start with 10/20, which is enough to tie me for the lead after round one.
I thought I would crush Cruise Trivia, having visited a number of Caribbean destinations already. The audience easily humbles me. I guess people living in Southern 'murica would embark on a lot more cruises than me. Plus, my relationships with Hendricks, Hennessy and Courvoisier probably doesn't help my cause since we’ve been visiting all afternoon.
We think we did well at the main evening game, Family Insanity. This game basically invites you to come up to the stage with your family. They randomly play a popular dance (social) song and your family must dance to it. The host picks the finalists. For the championship, the audience votes but we definitely don’t seem to be the audience favourites. Then we look and blame it on Mason's shirt, which proudly boasts Canada on the front. Again, damn ‘muricans.
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2017-09-05 – Sea Day: 27C morning air temp, mostly sunny, 11.4 knots towards Bermuda
Andrea has back-to-back spa appointments and I start the day at the gym. During this trip, I manage three days out of seven day cruise with a gym morning, which I think is a good record for vacation. The zero days at the gym in New York is rather dismal but I blame that on no gym on site. For today, a heavy workout means I'm very hungry, which is a great state for a cruise ship. The Asian buffet at Chariscurra fits the void nicely. I don't know what it is but I've been craving Chinese for a while (the ‘muricanised that you get here, not the authentic kind that my parents used to feed me).
We like all the high-tech gadgets and toys that the new ships offer. One big drawback is the design of the main buffet. The NCL Sky, one of the oldest and smallest ships of the Norwegian armada, has the main buffet set on the top deck at the stern. Their buffet features a large food station on the inside, with a smaller food station outside. The seating hugs both sides of the ship, with the entire aft open air and covered by a permanent tent. On this ship, the buffet rounds the entire rear half of the ship, circling around the stern. The continuous buffet must measure close to 1000 feet long. The seating sections surround the buffet but the walkways end up narrow and crowded. All seating is indoors and window seats are fairly hard to come by.
The main buffet is a great place to go on boarding day, when the ship is not nearly at capacity for passengers yet. After setting sail, we learned to look for special buffets (such as today’s Asian buffet) if we don’t want to take the time to dine in the full service restaurants. Jimmy Buffett’s Margaritaville often features special buffets with open air seating and few crowds.
Full belly is probably not the best state for playing Family Dodge Ball Insanity. You're only permitted to participate if you have a kid and today, Mason's my kid as well as Darcy's. I never realised how much I would enjoy pelting smartass kids with balls! Here's the lesson I learn today: do not try to catch a second ball after you already caught one in your hands. The second one inevitably hits the first one and both come spilling out, getting you booted out of the game.
We like attending the Floating Hotel discussions. At these seminars, we learn things like:
On average, each passenger gains one pound per day on a cruise ship.
At the end of this cruise, the passengers will weigh 14 tons more than when they boarded.
The ship at idle consumes more than $100 of fuel / minute.
Then there's the obligatory hype for the next new ship, the Norwegian Bliss.
There's always a bozo in the audience trying to show how much he knows; today's asks the ship's Captain if ship design and operations meet COSO or ISO 31000 standards.
Jackass.
Dinner at Manhattan's and off to the musical show "Rock of Ages." Entertainment on board cruise ships is exceptional. On a previous cruise, we found out that a production on board the ships can run for ten years and costs as much as $10 million to produce. These shows can often be the highlight of entertainment, except when you just came off show from Broadway. Mobile shows can never compete with New York. Since I'm rather tepid with "hair rock," this show is just a so-so for me.
The night ends with lots and lots of gin and cognac, just as it should.
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2017-09-06 – Dock in Bermuda – Air temp 27 C, Water temp 30.0C morning – breezy effects from Hurricane Irma
Fortunately for us, we opted for a Bermudan cruise this year rather than a Southern Caribbean cruise. Hurricane Irma hammers Puerto Rico and St. Maartaen; the only effect we see are high south shore winds. Still, the wind is strong enough to red flag a number of beaches, causing much grief to those who chose an excursion to bring them swimming at the south shores (including the famous Horseshoe Bay Beach).
Not knowing what to do on the island, we disembark to mooring area. Among the tour buses, bikes and scooters, Andrea and Ava end up wrangling with a number of taxi drivers. Eventually they strike up a deal and we're off.
Our first day ashore starts with a taxi tour—led by a driver named Clyde—that includes the Gibbs Hill Lighthouse, Horseshoe Bay (pictured above), Tucker’s Point and Mid Ocean. The exhilarating 185 step climb up the Lighthouse gives us an unmatched panorama of the island. We especially establish a rapport with Clyde because—get this—he’s actually been to Winnipeg! Although that was 30 years ago for his son’s soccer tournament, he still remembers some of the suburbs and landmarks. When he first mentioned that he has visited Canada, we all expected the Toronto or Vancouver answer but when he starts with, “you’ll never believe…” Winnipeg instantly becomes a player.
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Our excellent taxi tour ends with us back at the heart of Hamilton, waiting to meet Kenny G, Camille and the Little Gs for drinks and dinner. The Gs run a bit late, affording us the opportunity to visit several local watering holes, and witness the Bermudan office attire at work.
Not sure what I think of it and if I lived here, would I wear this to work every day? I love wearing shorts but gees, what’s with the socks? What's the point in wearing shorts if everything's covered but the knees?! I think I’d rather wear long pants and sandals than this get-up. I guess if the only options are full two-piece suit, including socks and dress shoes, or jacket with shorts and socks-shoes, I’d probably pick no pants.
We finally hook up with the Gs for dinner at a pasta restaurant. We haven't seen Lil' G for a while and she's a lot bigger than our last encounter. Along with the size comes a friendliness and a willingness to interact. She becomes instant best buddies with Mason and refuses to leave his side. Mason eats it up as it's always a joy to be someone's idol.
After dinner, a short walk brings us back to the dock and a ferry ride back to our ship. After a few tense moments of "did we miss the last ferry?" we're on board and treated to a night cruise back to our floating hotel.
2017-09-07 – Bermuda – Air temp 27 C, Water temp 30.0C – breezy effects from Irma (identical conditions to yesterday)
Practising what I preach, this day starts with a hearty buffet breakfast at Margaritaville. The smaller buffet means that we have fewer options but plenty to leave us satiated anyways—and being away from the horde is a welcome relief. While dining, we decide to partake in Mason's suggestion of a Segway tour of the island.
What a fantastic idea! This is one of those activities that we always talk about and never pursue. There’s no better time than vacation to take on new endeavours such as the Segway.
We get a bit of training and practice before heading out and by the time we venture forth, we drive like pros (somewhat). Although most of the tour limits to the Royal Naval Dockyard, we scoot out as far as The Lagoon, Lagoon Park, with another stop at Glass Beach. Also on the exploration, we zip by the Maritime Museum, the Clocktower, Casemates Prison, the Glassblowing Factory, and sample goodies at the Rumcake Factory. This is a fun way to tour the area. Although fun, the Segway strains my feet and calves and this is a good time to step back onto ground.
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Back at the pier, we need to return to Hamilton to hook up with the Gs. Our taxi-negotiating crew set forth to the stands and boldly ask if the driver knows Clyde. The driver quickly advises that Bermuda supports a population of 70 000 and that the chances of knowing Clyde are—well obviously—one in 70 000. We just thought that the taxi drivers’ association may be a closely knit community but we are sure told otherwise. He mocked our relationship with Clyde the entire drive but all in good humour and we build a new relationship with yet another local. He never did tell us his name, insisting that he can never compete with Clyde.
We arrive at Chez Gs and find that they live in a beautiful house, nestled on a hillside among a serene and panoramic neighbourhood.
After a visit, the Gs transport us from the burbs back to the heart of Hamilton for dinner. Immediately, Lil’ G remembers her affection for Mason and the ear-shattering wailing shakes the very foundation of the hurricane-proof house as we prepare to part and she finds out she’s not coming. Poor Lil’ G.
We pack the Gs car, which leaves me to ride the back of Kenny G’s scooter. That makes two modes of transportation that are novel to me. I’ve always wanted to scooter as well, especially in a tropical climate. It would be fun to drive one at home but our climate only allows for a couple of months’ usage—that and Winnipeg drivers are assholes so I’d never feel perfectly safe. I don’t feel very safe on the roads on bicycle either but I’m not hitting the same kinds of speeds. Then again, I remember coming off the QE Bridge with a tailwind and I matched the speed of the car beside me. I peeked into his dash, which read 66 km/h. I immediately thought that it would really hurt if I fell. Sometimes going as fast as you can isn’t the best option.
Anyway, back to the moment. In humid 30C weather, the motorcycle helmet creates quite an atmosphere for the melon. At first, Kenny offers a tiny pink helmet for me to use, which I gladly accept, before he jokes that it’s Lil’ G’s helmet. Aside from baking the brain, I thoroughly enjoy the scooter ride. Down the road, when we retire somewhere in the Caribbean, I see a scooter in my future. Hell, I might still get one in Winnipeg.
Dinner takes us to Mad Hatter’s, where, in addition to an opulent and luscious dinner, we face a wardrobe of hats for the fitting. Wackiness ensues, of course:
After dinner, I get another scooter ride with Kenny as we return to the Dockyard area. Camille’s homeward bound while Andrea, Ava and Mason return to the ship. Kenny G, Darcy and I make our way to watch the opening Monday Night Football broadcast, featuring the Chefs from KC visiting the dirtiest players in the game from New England, including Tom Brady, the absolute dirtiest bastard to ever step on the field. It’s a joy to see the Chefs clobber the dirty bastards by a score of 42-27. The only thing that would have made it better is if they would have broken Brady’s legl It’s also no surprise that the loudest, most obnoxious fans in the bar also wear Brady jerseys.
2017-09-08 – Bermuda Depart – Air Temp 31C Water temp 30.5C
Final day in Bermuda: Since the ship sails early afternoon, there’s no point trying to hook up with the Gs again today. In the grand scale of screw-ups, Kenny G worked on the days when we were free all day, and booked off the day when we must return to the ship early. Sometimes plans just don’t work out.
The morning takes us to the beach where we lounge around the water. This beautifully set up area lies minutes from the ship and yet, it hides in such isolation behind the cliffs, it like an oasis unto itself.
At 30C, the water feels warm enough to lounge forever and it has the typical clear Caribbean teal colour. With pockets of fish swimming around, we frequently disrupt their schools as we trespass through their space.
You just can’t get any more relaxed than this!
I spend the afternoon roaming around the touristy gift shops at the Dockyard. Of course, this is the worst time to shop as everyone plans their stay to coincide with spending the last hours in the neighbourhood.
Even though it’s only 2 pm, I’ve had more than my share of sun for the day—and this is me, who can absorb a lot of UV radiation before feeling the effects. After a few hours on the beach and some more time walking through the market, it’s time for some cool shade.
As the ship departs from Bermuda, I make way to the main theatre where they broadcast the 3D version of Star Wars: Rogue One. Here I am a theatre with capacity of 800 and a person slides in a seat that’s one away from me—and he can’t stop fidgeting. As if the stream of movement through the movie isn’t enough, he leans over towards the empty seat and actually grabs my armrest—one seat away from where he sits! I’m sharing an armrest even though no one’s sitting beside me! How does this even happen? If only I had a hammer…
Evening finds us at the Cirque du Soleil show, which comes with a three course meal. With such a limited space, we wonder how they could actually put on a show, or if the show just consists of characters walking through the dining hall.
Despite the confined area, they execute a brilliantly colourful spectacle, with equally grand sound and presentation. Having never seen a Cirque du Soleil before, I have no basis of comparison but this show reaches well beyond my expectation of what we hoped.
After the show, we relax in the Fat Cats Jazz & Blues Club featuring a Creole band with some beverages and zydeco. The midnight munchies catch up to me so I stop in the overnight dining room O’Sheehan’s where a Reuben samich isn’t nearly enough so I order a burger after engulfing the Rueben.
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2017-09-09 – Sea Day: Morning Air Temperature 34.5C, Evening Air Temperature 20C – Medium Gale winds across the bow at 34 knots.
Check out the weather report for the day. As we sail full speed ahead, you sure tell the difference once you leave the tropics. Sweltering in the heat during the early morning, the top decks become ghost towns as evening rolls around. The 20C temps might sound warm for us from Winnipeg but coming out of the tropics and facing winds at cruising speed, it’s not much fun up top.
Being our final day, we indulge as much as we can with both the foods/meals and the beverages. Last day of vacation is usually long and gruelling; second-last day of vacation is usually just sad. At least temps back home are still in the positives. The winter vacations where the plane approaches and the pilot announces the air temperature as -34C with a wind chill of -48C are killers. Then you peek outside and see a complete sheet of white, frozen tundra and all you envision is leaving a land of turquoise waters fronted by palm trees. Sigh. Anyway, we’re not there yet.
Through the final chapter of Progressive Trivia, I find that I need 13/20 to win or 12 to tie. I ultimately stink at it and sink with a grand total of five correct!
The next game is Celebrity Heads, where they call a contestant to sit on the stage and face the audience. The host brings up a celebrity picture on the main screen behind you and you ask yes/no questions to the audience. You must answer within two minutes—wrong guess eliminates you.
I am the third named called and I started with,
Is it a man? – no
Is she a singer? – yes
Is she young? – yes
20s – 30s? – yes
Is she a pop star? – yes
Does she have a feud with Katy Perry? – no
Did she perform in the Super Bowl? – yes
Last year’s Super Bowl? – yes
Does she sing “Bad Romance?” – yes
Lady Gaga!
and slammed it! I stir the audience up and my only regret lies in that I didn’t jump in to “Bad Romance” after I got it right.
¯Rah rah ah-ah-ah! ¯
¯Ro mah ro-mah-mah ¯
¯Gaga oh-la-la! ¯
¯Want your bad romance…¯
Being our last day, I indulge over dinner with a visit to the sushi bar. In my worldly travels, I visited some of the greatest sushi houses in the world (no forgetting earlier in this trip). I don’t expect the sushi here to rival those places but I do expect to have my socks knocked off. Wait! I don’t have socks! This is Norwegian, the No Pants Line!
Even though it’s a little cool, I opt for a seat on the outside deck, where there’s only one other couple willing to endure the cool ocean air and the considerable breeze. It’s nice to get away from the crowds while I enjoy my sushi. Here’s what’s on today’s menu:
Rock N’ Roll: spicy tuna, avocado, mango, spicy aioli with a huge chunk of rock shrimp on top: This is a delicious combination. All the flavours blend nicely to form a divine melange but it’s the big shrimp on top the shines. Tasting more like lobster or langoustino than shrimp, this piece alone is worth the money.
Two-timing Tuna Roll: Spicy tuna, tuna sashimi, garlic, ponzu, chives: This roll features a big chunk of tuna with sliver of rice, just the way it should be. There’s a bit of a spicy kick to go with the great tuna flavour, although I don’t get much of the garlic.
Salmon Sashimi: The salmon tastes decadently rich as it melts in your mouth.
Yellowtail Sashimi: Yellowtail can be iffy if not perfectly fresh. This delicacy will taste very fishy very quickly if left in the fridge but the serving here tastes marvelous as it melts in your mouth without chewing. Gumming raw fish on the high seas—it doesn’t get better than this!
Sitting outside on an ocean liner, sipping on Hendricks martinis, and feasting on raw fish while writing our vacation journal on my Surface—life’s good.
2017-09-10 – New York to Winnipeg: New York temperature: 21C – Winnipeg temperature 24C
Even though we have the first (non)reservations for debarkation, walking off without checking our luggage, Customs severely delays re-entry. Whereas we thought that our timing might be tight with a three-hour window between debarking and airplane departure, a two-hour Customs delay throws a real kink in our plans. In my mind, I’m already planning on what to do when we miss our flight(s).
When Customs finally releases the passengers, we have less than an hour before our scheduled flight takes off. Leaving the parkade, Darcy finds a driver with a big Lincoln SUV and heavy Russian accent. Somehow he manages to burn a way into the freeways, through Harlem, and into LaGuardia in mere minutes. From freakout to suddenly, we’re waiting in the terminal for our plane to commence boarding. Sometimes, things just work out.
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